Sometimes Everythig Goes Wrong and it Makes Everything Right: 2015 in Retrospect
If a year ago today you would have asked me if I thought I would be traveling in and out of the United States more in the next year than I had in the past 4 combined, I would have said absolutely not. If you told me I would be going to Central America by myself with a backpack, or making Australian friends in New Orleans, sleeping in a tree house in the forest, getting a Spanish lesson on a boat from a local in Panama, attempting to climb a volcano, sleeping in a hammock on the beach in Costa Rica, or throwing beads off of a Bourbon Street balcony at Mardi Gras, I would tell you that you were out of your mind, but, as it turns out, that is just a short list of the awesome things I did this year. This year my life took a new turn in every way. I have different friends, some old and some new, I have different goals and aspirations, I spend my time doing things that make me a lot happier, and I have started to find my direction.
I’ve spent the last four years since graduating high school trying to figure out what I wanted in my life, trying a little bit of everything. I joined the Navy Reserve, went to college, went to hair school and got my cosmetology license, bought a car, and tried to start my life the way you’re “supposed” to. I wanted to plant my roots, decide on a career and get it all together. All of those are good things, but what I recently came to realize is that not everybody’s path is the same. To me, the more I started to establish myself the more I felt stuck. I didn’t feel like I was moving in the right direction I felt like I was not moving at all and the more I did what I thought was supposed to be done the more trapped I became. For some people that is exactly what they need and love, routine, stability, knowing what to expect, and sticking to a plan, but for me that was not the case. The things I was doing were not making me feel grown up and driven like society said it should have, it just made me feel lost and overwhelmed by the fact that I was getting older every day and had no idea what direction I wanted to go.
In 2015 I lost some things, but I also gained so much more. This year I don’t have new clothes and expensive makeup, but I have new friends, new memories, and experiences I could have never imagined. In 2015 the empty promises from friends who wanted to go on adventures with me became the beautiful realization that I can do things alone and still have the time of my life, weekends with no one to hang out with created this blog that I love to write and social media skills I never had before, itchy feet and an empty bank account brought me to one of a kind hostel experiences and taught me how to travel on a budget (even when it’s a really strict budget), and new friends gave me a bigger perspective and reminded me of the laid back, kind person I am at heart. All the tough things in 2015 taught me that even when everything in life goes wrong, it still goes on and your attitude is up to you.
I am going into 2016 with a completely new outlook in life than I had going into 2015 and I finally feel like myself again and am getting closer to figuring out what I want in my life. I don’t want things, I want laughter and I want to follow my heart as cheesy as that sounds. In 2016 I am working on having less physically and a full heart. I am living a fervent life in 2016 and will always looking forward to life’s possibilities.