I find myself sitting here alone on a Saturday night, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me is happy to be home, alone, with nothing to do. What a great thought, “Nothing to do”. But that wonderful thought is also a daunting one. Nothing to do, alone on a Saturday night. For some this is a normal Saturday, but I must say that for me it may be the first Saturday night I have done nothing in an extremely long time.
Throughout the day I went through a series of emotions. Early in the day I was very sensible, thinking of the productive things I could do with an open evening to myself. I could write, I could read, I could clean, I could wear a face mask and put on some self-tanner, all the things I want to do, but usually don’t have time for. Then, around 3pm I started thinking of the people in my life that I always have the “We really need to hang out soon” conversations with, but never do. I send out a few open-ended, half-hearted texts that were followed by similarly good intentioned, but vague replies. By 5pm I am ready to leave work (I am a hairstylist so I will work Saturdays for the rest of my life). I stand by the front desk and talk to a co-worker about my day when the question pops up, “so what are you up to tonight?” and I have to tell her I have no plans. She also didn’t have any so we decided that maybe if we still felt like it later we would find something to do because we both were tempted by the fun of going out, but recognized the value in staying in. I pulled out of work as I played my TGIF playlist on Spotify, and motivated by the music I had an outfit in mind and was ready to find something to do! After about an hour of being home I texted my friend from work to ask her if she wanted to go and long story short, the will was there, but the way was not, so here I sit, alone at my computer.
Once I realized I would be staying in for the night I started thinking about my options. All the things I want to do but I never have time for, I could try harder to find friends to hang out with, I could find something cool to do tomorrow that would require me to go to bed soon, or I could just stay home, stay in, and act like a normal human being. I did none of the above. Instead, I stared at my phone awaiting the ping of a text message from the four person group text between me and my best girlfriends who all live somewhere else, or from another friend I have who is having an epic pool party that has been going on since around 12pm, and obviously having way more fun than me. I multi-tasked watching my phone, reading blogs on the computer, holding my dogs, snapchatting, instagramming, tweeting, facebook status posting, and tumblr reblogging. No cleaning was done, no self-tanner applied, and no face mask was worn. In the midst of all this time wasting I started to think about why I didn’t have anything to do. What was different all the time leading up to now that gave me something to do? It was the friends that I had.
At the beginning of this year my life went through a series of events that resulted in not having any of the best friends I had last year. I do have a lot of friends, don’t get me wrong, but none of the kind of friends that you just know you have plans with before you actually do. Well there are a couple, but they don’t live here anymore. My point is, now the only time I will have plans unless they happen by chance. That’s probably a good thing though. I’ve been saying for a long time I was going to start trying to stay in more and try to only do things that will make my life better, not just be fun for the night. If you think about it, the new year was the perfect time to get a fresh start. I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions, and I didn’t make any so maybe this was life’s way of getting me to make the changes I needed.
I sat in front of my computer and reminded myself of all the positive things that would come out of me staying home. I thought, “Think of the money you’re saving, think of the calories you’re saving. There is nothing important going on that you are missing out on, you are being responsible and sensible (my two least favorite words)”. As the night went on, I read a lot of blogs, I learned a little bit more about how websites work, I started writing this blog, and I finished another one. I made a list of things I want to write about and figured out some personal goals. Now it is Sunday morning, I went to church and am eating breakfast at a café on the beach, and I am perfectly content that I stayed in on Saturday night.